Tuesday, December 29, 2009

BUFFALO AND MUSHROOM PICKING

Visiting Jason’s folks always makes me nostalgic about country living. Even though their town is not quite rural, still they wake up to a view of rolling hills and a medley of trees centuries old.

I got really excited about all the walks we could do while here, in Texas. Yesterday, after all the Christmas commotion settled down like dust on the electric snowman, we finally wrapped ourselves up in layers of T-shirts and flip-flops we brought from California, and entered THE COLD. I know what you’re thinking. “You’re from Poland! You should be used to winter chill.” Oh, bullocks! Living in SoCal for more than one winter erases any memory of cold, hence your endurance to temperatures below 50° is no longer and your inner WHIMP is revealed.

With trembling hands and clicking teeth, while freezing winds shook up my insides, I pulled out a camera and bravely marched ahead. Here’s what we came across on our walk in the neighborhood.

Buffalo.

Cosmo discovered he really is a Sheppard and not a Shih-tzu dog.

Dead Santa. Drunk maybe?

After such a REFRESHING walk, nothing is more comforting than a hot shower, then fuzzy blanket over my body, Jason right beside me, and a book in hand. I started reading the one I gave Jason for Christmas, “The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo”. After a few pages I paused perplexed and looked at the name of the author:

Stieg Larsson is a guy’s name. Hm. The book reads as if it was a woman writing as a male character. Strange.

Jason put down his read, looked at me, and said:

Hm. He’s dead, the author.

He was still a man before he died, right?

Probably. (pause) I never saw his penis or anything.

Have you seen his face??

Nope.

His rear end?

No, I don’t think so.

So you wouldn’t recognize it anyways, even if you saw it now, walking down the street for example.

Probably not.

And now, that the guy’s dead, chances are rather slim you would ever come across his ass anyways.

Yeah, it’s highly unlikely me thinks.

But you never know.

True, you don’t.

And we both got back to reading.

I owe you a recipe for the MUSHROOM SOUP WITH BARLEY I made for our Christmas dinner. As far as appliances go, all you need is a big pot, food processor, a sharp knife to chop your veggies, and a cutting board (for the obvious reason).

The soup INGREDIENTS are as follows:

-       1 celery root (or 4 celery stalks)

-       4 carrots

-       2 parsnips

-       1 med leek

-       1 onion

-       3-4 dry bay leaves

-       7-10 whole peppercorns

-       1-1.5 cup of dry wild mushrooms (medley)

-       4 cups low sodium chicken stock

-       2 cups water

-       3/4 to 1 cup barley

-       1 tbsp of dry marjoram

-       1-2 tsp nutmeg

-       1-2 tsp cumin

-       2-3 tbsp heavy cream

-       handful of fresh parsley or dill, chopped

-       1-2 tbsp of olive oil

-       kosher salt + ground black OR white pepper to taste (about 2 tbsp each total)

Start with soaking the mushrooms in lukewarm water for at least 45 minutes before you even begin prepping your meal. Wash and peel all the vegetables, with a special emphasis on cleaning the leek. Roughly chop all the carrots, parsnips, celery, leek and onion.

Drizzle olive oil in the pot and heat it up. Toss the onions and leeks inside the pot, sprinkle with crashed marjoram, season with salt and pepper, and mix everything well. Sautè the veggies until they get translucent over low heat (5-10 minutes). Add the rest of the vegetables, and season with more salt and pepper. Let them get comfy for another 10 minutes. Now, pour the mushrooms into the pot along with the water they were soaking in. Stir and increase the flame to medium. Cover with a lid and let everything cook for about 10-15 minutes. Turn the heat off and scoop the content of the pot into the food processor. Blend the veggies into a coherent mass and bring back to the pot. Add the chicken stock and water and turn the heat on medium-high. Throw in the bay leaves and peppercorns, season with nutmeg, cumin, more salt and pepper and stir. Add barley, stir again, bring to a boil, reduce the heat, cover with the lid, and let the soup become a soup for about an hour. Check on the dish every so often and stir again.

The soup is ready pretty much when the barley is fully cooked. It will soak up a lot of water, thus making the dish deliciously hearty and thick. It’s up to you if you want to add more water, or leave it as is. Just make sure to taste the soup before feeding your peeps and add more salt/pepper if needed.

Right before serving, pour a couple of tablespoons of heavy cream into the pot and toss a bunch of chopped fresh parsley or dill. Stir and serve. Y.U.M.

The soup is very low on fat, and yet highly nutritious and comforting. Jason likes to soak some bread in his bowl, while for me the soup itself is plenty of food at one sitting.

Don’t forget to remove the bay leaves and peppercorns before serving the dish!

[Via http://agablack.wordpress.com]

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday Morning wrap-up (although it is Wednesday)

Yep, it is Wednesday the 23rd. 2 days before Christmas, and I actually got my Christmas shopping done. I’m not going to be blogging a lot until the next year… therefore, I won’t be saying a lot in this entry; just covering the basics…

Why the fuck did the Broncos LOSE TO THE RAIDERS!? Especially a team led by JaMarcus Russell… ugh. This should have been a curb-stomping! Coach McDaniels has a lot of work to do to make us into Super Bowl Contenders. There, I said it.

Was I the only one intrigued by the mangled accident that was the Giants-Redskins game last night? I think that weird play had the entire nation mesmerized… oh well, I think this was Jim Zorn telling Dan Snyder to go fuck himself.

I’m through typing… we’ll really take off in 2010 (that’s what she said.) However, I’m going to leave you, the reader, with some holiday cheer…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


(I really love this one… see the text at the top of this picture and you’ll quickly know why.)


(and I REALLY LOVE Marina Orlova.)

[Via http://en.wordpress.com]

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

NFL Game of the Year

Ok, Pervs, as though The LOPG hasn’t made you enough money this season – we are offering our 5 Star Lock of the Year this Friday.

Take the San Diego Chargers (+3) and the points on Christmas Day against Vince Young and the Tennessee Titans.

Chargers’ Quarterback Phillip Rivers is a legitimate MVP Candidate (though Peyton Manning will win the award – a Free Prop Bet from us).

Vince Young, the Titans’ passer, is coming off his best game ever. He threw for 3 TDs in Tennessee’s OT win over Miami. Whoopdy-fuckin’-shit. 3 TDs is a career day? How many did Matt Moore (or whatever his name is) have for Carolina Sunday night?

VY is the most overrated QB in the league, the Chargers are riding a long winning streak and battling for a first round bye and the Titans lost 2 starting LBs (including Keith Bullock) for the season on Sunday.

The Titans, their ridiculous-powder-blue-suit-wearing, bird-flipping owner and mullett-sporting, porn’stache-having Head Coach will find out that all of these late seasons wins have done only 2 things. One, hurt their draft position and two, made it impossible for them to free themselves from the shackles of VY.

Merry Fucking Christmas to Bud Adams and his dead wife!

[Via http://leagueofpervertedgentlemen.wordpress.com]

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Jessica Alba Naked and Sexy...By Popular Request!!!

[Via http://sexicelebs.wordpress.com]

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Guitar Tab-oo..

JIMI! JIMI!

Eddie!!

          For the 32nd time since i bought my guitar which is almost a year old now ive been thinking about guitar classes..the search never ends..its like im never going to start learning. Everytime i make up my mind something gets in the way. Last time it was my sem exams and the time before that it was because of my friend who ditched me a week before we were supposed to get oursleves registered in “The Un***** Centre” in koramangala. His lame alibi -”i didnt know it was that far,lets search for a place close to cox town or indiranagar,dude” ,like he couldnt say that earlier! Anyway after kicking his ass (for someother reason) we asked around in college..frm what we heard un****centre sounded like one of those places that have a really strict “code of conduct” and bunking two days in a row would get you kicked out! This was the only way we would learn but knowing my friend and his bunking records in college we decided it wouldnt be too long until he got kicked out..besides who’d want to go back to school again!

              I did my share of research and found a lot of places that had good reps,also called them all up,i was on the verge of joining a place nearby, but then my friend goes and spreads the news in college and this girl from engg also wants to come along..usually i’d have no prob ,the more the merrier..but after not hearing from her for a month i apromising they would be free then. I decided to give them a chance…the only thing bothering me was why do they want to sign up with us and not learn on their own. I got fed up of waiting and decided to call those guys up and tell them im not waiting. The answer i got was the weirdest ..it was something like this -

 Engg.-pain-in-the-ass: “Hey bugger, just wait for a month”

Me: “Sorry man, cant wait that long..ive already waited a long time to start and my guitars getting bored lying around.”

 Engg.-pain-in-the-ass: “Animation fellows have too much gandchalli! “

 Me: “Why the fk would you wanna learn with us man???? Go with your engg gang! “

 Engg.-pain-in-the-ass: “Engg. ppl are good for certain stuff man, but when it comes to company to hang-out its you guys who’r way more fun..just wait for a while.”

Me: (after hearing him putting down “his own people” ) HAHAHAHA ok man..you really know how to lick peoples ass’ ,engg is good for something atleast!”

 Engg.-pain-in-the-ass: “haaahaaa..FK U!”

This was new to me so i asked my friend what tht was all about..hes like -

    ”Remember the times the 3 of us (3rd person ill mention later) jumped into the canteen through the window to hide from Arul Sir or run out through the mess entrance in 1st year which is the reason they blocked it later? And we got labelled the Coffee Gang because no one would catch us sneaking out of class and and but would find us near the coffee shop half an hour later at the normal break when we got caught stealing mangoes near college and we acted like we just wanted to take a pee but were taken to a mozy caretaker who tried scaring us but you jacked up? Also the time we teased an engg girl about her flunking boyfriend who was like a gangster in college and we got phone threats for a week from him and his chamchaas?? “

Me- “Ya so?” Friend- “Well word travels fast..”

Me- “You could have just said that..”

Friend- “dude, its more dramatic this way..”

Me- (thinking about how to catch him off-guard and shove this eraser up his ass)”Godamm you bitch!”

Friend- “Dont waste your breath shit head..we barely have 2 weeks until our college is done,lets just make more friends..besides you’ll know 65% of all the people in college then!”

Me-(oh ya.. the lure of being popular and remembered even after college is done even if by a few is irresistible )”Ok..im in..”

That was all it took to make me agree to wait for a few weeks more..and now im sitting at home writing this blog months later when i should have been Jimi Hendrix or Eddie Van Halen’s 21st century protege..well some dreams justtake a while to come true…ill have to stick with learning chords by candlelight when the powers out even if only for an hour..which is really the only time i dont have the urge to sit on the comp and finish my animation showreel or play night soccer out in the ground.

[Via http://furtivelyinfamous.wordpress.com]

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dumpsta Funk!






VIA Dumpsta Funk

[Via http://thestachelife.com]

Wait Here for the Next Available Blog Post

Lately, I am at my most angry while waiting in line. Not because every establishment is understaffed, making the wait a bit longer. It’s because I’m always stuck behind an ass belch like you. Unfortunately, many places – courthouses and banks, for example – are guarded by balding men with guns. Even I dare not whip out a cudgel in the presence of such capable warriors. But it’s not hard to find out where you live, beef dangle, so stop pissing me off.

When the fuck did knowing someone who’s stupid enough to get caught become a topic of interest? If you’re reloading a penal calling card or sending money so your baby-daddy can get the precious USA Golds that will keep his asshole relatively virginal, shut the fuck up about it. Do your business quietly and get out of the way. Don’t ask the clerk if he knows how the program works, wax ignorantly about the unfairness of the justice system, or complain that your new boyfriend doesn’t want to put his name on Mr. Crackhead’s fetus when it finally emerges. Nobody gives a rat’s ass how trashy your life is. Go back to your gutter where no one has to look at you.

And how hard is it to take your ID out of your wallet? If that clear sleeve is too tight, don’t put the card there, fucksteak. You are completely unremarkable. Unless you have a distinctive facial tattoo, the teller will not remember you. And even if your odor is infamous, she still has to see your license. Pull it out and hand it to her. Don’t bitch about how inconvenient it is or demand to know what features have to be confirmed. And if you do somehow convince her to accept a dirty, half-hidden card with major damage, remember that I’m right behind you. I’m going to follow you to the parking lot, beat the shit out of you, take your paycheck, come back in and cash it with my ID. And guess what? She won’t check, just like you wanted. Asshole.

I’m a great supporter of public cell phone use. I have to keep the 1-900 girls in my ear at all times to drown out the chatter of the cow cunts around me. Otherwise, I’d get blood on my brand new blouse. (Six bucks at Ross, by the way.) But if I hear you above the moaning, you’re fair game. I don’t want to listen to you arguing with the married guy you’ve been spreading for because he doesn’t want to marry you. Newsflash. You’re not worth the cost of the cubic zirconia. I also don’t want to hear about how little Billy needs a bone marrow transplant or the great new church that’s opening where the university used to be. Muffle your cum sucker long enough to make your transaction and get the fuck out. If I remove and gently fold my new cotton-blend treasure, you’re already dead.

Basic manners and a sense of pride – and shame – should already be instilled by the time you reach adulthood. Children should be given a yearlong test when they reach puberty. If you can’t say something nice, or nothing at all, we cut out your voice box and give you a little notepad. If you can’t keep your fluids to yourself, you’re gently guided into the Castrotronic 5000. On the other end, eunuchs and potted meat products emerge.  If you can’t stand single-file and keep from being a flaming douchebag for fifteen minutes, you fail life and get to fucking die.

[Via http://randominatrix.wordpress.com]